Emotional Questions on Separation from Life Coach Donna Ferguson

At Queensland Family Law Practice, we understand that separation brings a flood of difficult emotions and many unanswered separation questions. That’s why we’ve partnered with expert life coach Donna Ferguson to provide holistic support alongside your legal solutions. Donna helps answer the tough separation questions you might be asking yourself, such as:

• How do I not feel like a failure when separating?
• I feel like I failed my kids, why could I not make the happy family happen?
• Am I giving up too easily in my marriage?
• How do I know I have tried everything, and my marriage cannot be fixed?
• How do I get rid of the baggage holding me back from leaving?

The mind often begins to play tricks on us during separation, and many separation questions arise, especially feelings of failure. You might wonder if you gave up too easily during the decision-making process or if you didn’t try hard enough to save the relationship. Common separation questions include concerns about whether your children feel resentment because you “didn’t stick it out” or worries about how your kids are caught in the middle of parental conflicts.

Often, one or both parents try to answer these emotional separation questions by overcompensating “buying lots of things” for the children instead of being open and honest with them about the separation and showing unconditional love.

It’s crucial to remember that the responsibility for this separation belongs to both parents, not just you. No matter the circumstances, you have not failed, and most importantly, you have not failed your children. Honesty and openness are the key healing factors in answering these difficult separation questions and moving forward in a healthy way.

This is one of the toughest separation questions many people face. Believe me when I say I understand this feeling deeply. Especially when coming from experiences like Domestic Violence, it’s easy to fall into self-blame or make decisions driven by fear. Only you can truly answer your personal separation questions by taking the time to look clearly at your situation.

If your relationship has, over time, brought you constant feelings of unhappiness, suspicion, discomfort, or even fear, cycles of uncertainty that don’t improve then these are clear signs your marriage may not be fixable. These difficult separation questions help you evaluate whether the relationship is still serving your well-being.

When you know you have genuinely given everything to the marriage or relationship, and your partner no longer shows respect to you or your children, then the answer to your separation questions becomes clear: it’s time to move on. Recognising this truth is hard, but essential for your healing and for the safety and happiness of your children.

These are common and important separation questions many people ask themselves when reflecting on past relationships. A helpful way to answer these separation questions is to make a list of qualities you desire in a relationship. Did your previous relationship start with less than 100% of your ideal boxes ticked? Evaluate what was good about the relationship and what wasn’t. If the list of negatives outweighs the positives, this can be a realistic way to answer your separation questions about why things didn’t work out.

Then, compare your list of desired traits with what you experienced. If your current or past relationship falls short of what you truly want and deserve, it’s a clear answer to your separation questions about moving forward. While creating such a list might seem like a simple or superficial exercise, it can actually be a powerful tool for addressing difficult separation questions and guiding your choices in all future relationships.

I know I deserve to be treated better but I can’t seem to make the break because of fear to come…. unknown, alone, new start, kids new start etc.

There is a way to heal the soul once you leave.  Firstly, when you know and understand the techniques on behaviours and mindset, there is some easy steps to consider and put into practice.

Know that you are worth so much more than the past relationship.  Do some mirror work telling yourself that you are loved unconditionally that you deserve only the great things in life.  Use whatever words resonate with your own personal situation.

1. Mentally understand that self-care is a priority so that you can look after your beautiful children. This is a selfless act and not a selfish act.
2. If you have given this relationship everything then you do not owe it to the other person to allow them to keep you in the mental space of unworthiness or giving up.  You are worth so much more and your voice and your value are things to be proud of.  It’s time to start living in the present and let go of the fear of what was. Once you let go of the fear, they lose their power over you.
3. Of course, you will be on your own for some time following the separation.  Allow yourself to find out who you are and what you want.  Journal the positive feelings and emotions that you feel daily and remember to celebrate everything.  Every challenge is an opportunity ask yourself what else can I do tomorrow to make it better. More importantly ask yourself what you did well today.
4. Talk to the children and know that they are ok every day.  Make a game out of this – every night the dinner table ask them – what did you do well today? What was the high of your day? Share your highs and lows with them in a way they can relate to them.
5. Let the children know that no matter what they are loved unconditionally
6. Never argue with or talk in front of the children about things that affect the children with your ex.  And never buy into conversations that will go down the rabbit hole.  They will value you and your love deeper and stronger when they are older.  Children remember things, be aware of what they are taking in and that they are always observing.

The road ahead will not always feel like it’s easy. Stay strong, be kind to yourself.

One of the best decisions you can make at this challenging and often emotional time is to surround yourself with a great support network. This support network will guide you with expert advice in the law, life and finances so you know someone always has your back through one of life’s toughest journeys.