Separation from a Man’s View vs Separation from a Woman’s Point of View
As I was driving to work this morning listening to 97.3FM I heard a story about a man who was confused as to why his wife of many years was leaving him and seeking advice about what he could do. Subsequently many men and women gave their very heated and emotional opinions of what is a very sensitive topic. Some blamed the woman, saying she should have just stayed and ‘stuck it out’ or ‘hung in there’. Now I’m no psychologist and I definitely will not judge another person’s story from only 1 chapter that I have read but what I found interesting and what I see regularly as a Family Lawyer is this:
Men in long relationships don’t see the end of the relationship coming.
Further, men tend to have a discussion about separating with their partner first and only then do men start to consider what separation actually means to them and the practical issues that follow from the separation (such as child custody, divorce or dividing assets).
Now obviously this is not the case for all men but for the majority of men that I have seen, this does seem to be a common trait that appears.
What I also tend to see is this:
Women in long relationships have already disengaged from the relationship and started mentally preparing for separation and possible division of assets or child custody issues for at least 12 months to 2 years prior to actually having a conversation about separation.
Again I reiterate that this is just one Family Lawyers observations but if you are considering separation then it does assist both people to try and have an understanding of how the different sexes go about separating.
For the Women out there – don’t be so shocked that your husband didn’t see it coming. Give him a chance to come to terms with the separation because the odds are that you telling him that you ‘want a divorce” is the first time he became aware there was even a problem.
For the men out there – don’t be shocked if your wife tells you she wants a divorce and then in the next breath asks you how you wish to divide the assets and who has custody of the children. After all, this is not a new concept to her.
Finally, if you are not sure what to do then don’t agree to anything until you have spoken to a lawyer and found out your rights. If you have heard the saying, Knowledge is Power then there is never a more important time to empower yourself then during a separation. What you choose to do with that knowledge is completely up to you but make sure you at least know your legal rights.
Tracey McMillan – Queensland Family Law Practice
