Narcissistic Spouse or Partner and 5 Things You Can Do

Going through a separation, divorce, parenting arrangements, or child custody is one of life’s most stressful and emotional times. It is even more challenging when you have a narcissistic spouse or partner

This article begins to explain some of the warning signs of a narcissistic spouse or partner and if you think you are in a narcissistic relationship, we give you 5 things you can do to assist you.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is connected to a person’s pattern of selfishness, arrogance, lack of empathy, and extreme need for admiration from others. People with this disorder can come across as manipulative, conceited, selfish, condescending, and demanding.
People who have narcissistic personality disorder are generally opposed to changing their behaviours and often only become better at manipulating people when they do attend therapy.

A spouse or partner with a narcissistic personality disorder is difficult to diagnose. There are no medical tests that can be taken. It is through months or years of psychiatric assessment that a person can be diagnosed with this disorder.

In the family law process, court-ordered psychiatrists are unlikely to diagnose a narcissistic spouse or partner but may indicate that the spouse or partner has “narcissistic traits/characteristics/tendencies”.

When you are in a relationship with a narcissistic spouse or partner person, you are likely to see that person through rose-coloured glasses. We suggest you consider the following red flags:

If you have identified these behaviours from your partner or spouse, there is no point in trying to “save them”. You should consider doing the following:

1. Learn more about narcissistic personality disorder. The better educated you are on this disorder, the more likely you are to recognise narcissistic behaviours.  If you tell them that you are leaving, they will love bomb you, beg for you to stay, and make false promises of changing their behaviour.
2. List the reasons why you’re leaving. Make a clear list of why you are leaving for YOU.  Memorise the list or keep it on a note for your breakup conversation. When the other person displays the behaviours from item one, you need to remind yourself why you are leaving. Otherwise, you will be reeled back in.

3. Build your safety network back up. Reconnect with your family and friends that the Narcissist pulled you away from. If you can’t reach out to anyone like this, reach out to DV connect.
4. Hire a Lawyer. Have a Strategy Session with one of our solicitors here at QFLP to plan your separation. You will feel prepared for the next legal steps.
5. Cut all contact. When you have a family lawyer, if the other party needs to speak to you about something, refer them to email their questions to your lawyer and give them this email address [email protected]. Once done, do not engage any further and let us know if they won’t leave you alone and together you and we will strategize the next steps from there.

At Queensland Family Law Practice, we are here for you! We understand and can assist you when you have a narcissistic spouse or partner.  Please call our client care team on (07) 3172 3777 for a confidential chat and ways to move forward.